Mars, why would anyone in their sober mind want to travel to Mars? Is Mars the fourth planet from the sun? None the less, anything big and red must invariably be hardcore Republican. Far far to the right. Wouldn’t you think? Why would any earthling want to rocket to a planet filled with conservatives. A hostel place with people who lean right. Good grief Berry Goldwater!
So, where is the big Blue planet? I’m looking for a Blue Planet with lots of liberals. Must be way out in the outer reaches of the galaxy. Frozen. A big ball of ice maybe.
But anyway, there are some folks who want to go to Mars and populate the big Rouge colored ball. But you know come to think of it Mars would be an excellent place for Republicans. And the more the better. However, the first interplanetary rocket will have, as reported, about a hundred adventurist souls. Scientists, engineers, mathematicians, astronomers, geologist, technowizzards, and a flight crew with flight attendants and some really bad in-flight food. Could you imagine sitting in the middle seat for six months? Yes, it will take six months to get to Mars. You would think there would be a faster way to get there. And never mind the ‘Air Rage’ that will inevitably happen if they have to wear medical masks.
Now, when these brave souls arrive on Mars they will need to build their colony from scratch. But wait a minute. There is no Home Depot or Wal-mart on Mars to buy their lumber and building goods. There’s no CVS to buy TP, band aids, or deodorant. And worse of all, no Starbucks. This alone is reason to stay home on earth. How can one exist without a morning Latte? I don’t know about you but this is not looking good.
By the way, I found the big blue planet. We are already there. The big blue planet is our Earth. Good. I’ll stay home. Maybe go visit Bill and Hillary.