What happened to my zipper?

Now here is an article I found in today’s Chicago Tribune about a subject I’ve been railing about for a few years now. It the article comes from a weekly column called “Answer Angel.” Mostly a fashion advisory column. None the less I absolutely concur with the writer Charles. No relation.

Here it is:

“Dear Answer Angel Ellen: As my jeans and casual pants wear out, I must purchase new ones every so often. Without being crass, my older jeans have zippers that extend fully down to the crotch, enabling me to easily access myself to use a urinal. (After all, isn’t this the purpose of a zipper?) Many “new” pants have reduced the zipper size by 50 to 75%. This presents a challenge for the male anatomy. I am guessing other male shoppers just accept this and keep buying the junk. My dilemma is finding a pair of pants with zippers that are long enough to use the urinals. I know profits drive manufacturing, but companies should not cheapen the zipper just for a few pennies’ savings. Other than me shopping at resale stores, I am out of ideas. Help if you can. — Charles S. Dear Charles: You don’t say what stores or pants brands you’ve found lacking in the zipper department, but my own survey in menswear shops, department stores and big-box stores found plenty of pants with more generous zippers. One example: My friend Tom C. buys his jeans and work pants at Costco and finds the zippers are just fine. Look harder, Charles, and you’ll still find trousers with zippers in the customary 9- to 11-inch range. More advice: Find the dressing room and try before you buy. I’m sure cost-saving entered into manufacturers’ shortsightedness. Another likely (and related) explanation is they’re using the same size zippers on standard and low-rise pants. One more suggestion: Undo the button or snap if nature calls. Now it’s your turn Send your questions, rants, tips, favorite finds — on style, shopping, makeup, fashion and beauty — to answerangelellen@gmail.com.”

Post script: I often have to unbuckle and unbutton my newer pants to do my business while standing up. I am sometime fearful when in a public Men’s room if my pants might fall to my knees if needing to unbuckle and unbutton. An embarrassing situation for a 77-year old grump. I sometimes feel I have mistakenly bought pants meant for a female with a short zipper. A mini-zipper just long enough for most women to remove their trousers. But anyway I’ll look around. I have bought most of my britches from Eddie Bauer. And contrary to my fashion advisor and daughter’s instructions I bought the pants without trying them on. Old men are so stupid.

The other Charles.